


Sweets or Sheep

by RitzyGreen



Series: Shots Through The Heart [1]
Category: Happy Tree Friends
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Canon-Typical Violence, Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29437443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RitzyGreen/pseuds/RitzyGreen
Summary: In which Nutty has to choose between the two loves of his life - candy and Lammy! What’s a poor squirrel to do?
Relationships: Lammy/Nutty (Happy Tree Friends)
Series: Shots Through The Heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2162322
Kudos: 1





	Sweets or Sheep

Nutty was a very loyal squirrel.

His crippling addiction to candy was a testament to this. 

It didn’t matter what sort of confectionary it was; chocolate, lollipops, jawbreakers, gummy worms, if it even had the tiniest bit of sugar he would eat it. 

Then when he couldn’t get his hands on candy, he latched onto something else; video games. If Nutty hadn’t relapsed back into his sugar addiction he was pretty sure he would’ve eventually starved himself to death or gotten a blood clot or something.

And sure, Sniffles may have called it an ‘addictive personality disorder’ and rambled on about dopamine and broken reward circuits, but the anteater could shove it. Nutty was _faithful_ , damn it. 

So when he fell for Lammy, he fell for her hard. 

They’d only been dating for a few months now, three and a half to be exact, but Nutty was already pretty sure he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. 

Lammy was the best girlfriend anyone could ask for. 

She was really pretty, and her accent was so cute it gave Nutty chest pains. She was also super cuddly, especially with that adorable poof of wool on top of her head. And even though he initially believed the rumors of her being some kinda delusional psycho who blamed all her crimes on a pickle, she turned out to be one of the nicest people he’d ever met. 

The purple lamb was an absolute _sweetheart_ , pun fully intended. 

Heck, Lammy was even okay with his candy addiction! She told him it was ‘quirky, but charming’. That had to be one of the nicest things anyone ever said about him.

Nutty was seriously head over heels for her. If Sniffles hadn’t talked him out of it, he probably would’ve proposed to her at least ten times by now. 

So when she invited him to her place to watch a movie one Friday evening, of course, Nutty said yes. 

It wasn’t the first time he visited her house, but the squirrel still felt a little awkward being there. The place had a girly, prim and proper sort of air to it, just like Lammy herself, and Nutty couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that he wasn’t really welcome there. 

An example of that would’ve been the couch he and Lammy were currently snuggling together on. 

He’d noticed that during his first visits there weren’t any covers on it, but during the last few a cheap blanket would usually be draped across the sofa. He had his suspicions that it had something to do with how he’d already spilled soda, chocolate milk, _and_ syrup on it, but he didn’t ask. 

One thing that contradicted his worries though was the coffee table between them and the television. It displayed an assortment of snacks, including his favorite soda and two bowls of popcorn, one of which had _caramel_ popcorn, because Lammy was an angel. 

Mr. Pickles wasn’t on the table though, since during one of their previous movie nights Nutty almost ate it by accident. 

Nutty peered over Lammy’s head and to the other side of the couch. Mr. Pickles was perched on the armrest, and if it wasn’t just a pickle Nutty would’ve sworn the damn thing was glaring at him. 

Yeah, that was definitely one of the things, if not THE thing, that made him feel unwelcome in the household. 

Lammy always tried to make sure Mr. Pickles was within arm’s reach, even in her own home. She told Nutty she didn’t feel things would be safe if she couldn’t keep an eye on the fruit. 

A lot of people in town thought it was really weird she carried that pickle around with her everywhere, but as a fellow food enthusiast, he totally understood. Sometimes you just wanted to keep your snacks close to ya, you know? Kind of like a security blanket. 

The loud screech of a violin suddenly caught Nutty’s attention and he looked at the TV screen. 

It was some foreign film where everyone spoke in the sheep’s native tongue. Lammy had turned on the subtitles for him, but reading them was kind of hard when all he could focus on was how good she smelt and how nice it felt having her curled up against him. 

“Ooh, this part is my favorite scene,” Lammy said. “You see that single tear she cried? It wasn’t fake. They had to reshoot the scene almost a dozen times just to get it right.”

“I bet ya that I could’ve gotten it in one take,” Nutty replied. “I would’ve thrown in some quivering lips and anguished screams too.”

Lammy giggled. “Only if they threatened to take away your candy.”

“Mmm-hm.” Nutty pulled her into his lap and rubbed his cheek against her head. 

Lammy pulled her legs up onto the couch but froze when the television suddenly went silent. 

Nutty blinked. “Is it over?”

“No, I just dropped the remote. I think it’s on mute.”

Lammy reached down to grab said remote, but when she moved Nutty felt himself getting pulled along with her. 

“Huh?” Lammy lost her balance, and if Nutty hadn’t grabbed the couch they both would’ve tumbled to the floor. 

The sheep’s hands flew up to her head and she pulled down on her wool. Nutty felt a sharp pain on his cheek and tried to yank it away, but when he did Lammy cried out in pain. 

“Nutty, let go!”

“I can’t, it’s stuck!”

“What’s stuck?”

“My candy!” Nutty tried to pull his face away again but to no avail. “It’s stuck in your wool!”

“Really?” Her hands scrambled through her hair, her fingers jabbing Nutty in the eye more than a few times. He felt her fingers trace the skin around the giant swirl lollipop, then them gently attempting to push his face away.

It didn’t work. 

The sheep hissed something under her breath, probably a curse if Nutty had to guess, and he felt his heart clench.

He was ruining their date! He had to do something to fix this and stat!

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll get it out!” He leaped to his feet, dragging Lammy up with him. She squealed in pain, but Nutty ignored it. He gripped the edges of the lollipop and pushed it away with all his strength, ignoring the searing pain that ran through his face as he did so. However, the piece of candy didn’t loosen, not even a little bit!

It made sense, it was always stuck to his face, even when he was taking a bath or sleeping. Of course, it wouldn’t come off that easy. Not to mention he _had_ tried to pry it off in the past when he was craving some candy, but that always ended in bloody failure. 

Oh well! That meant he just had to pull Lammy’s wool off. Now if he held the roots in place with one hand and tugged on the ends with the other, he should be able to avoid yanking her hair out...

“No, Nutty! Stop, the kitchen-” Lammy’s voice broke into a high pitched squeal as, with a final grunt, Nutty managed to tear them apart. 

He stood back to admire his work and let out a gasp. 

Despite his plan, a significant chunk of Lammy’s wool had still been torn out. Judging by the red that was starting to stain her remaining wool, he was pretty sure a lot of skin was taken too. 

_Oh shit_ , Nutty thought. _I just scalped my girlfriend_. 

The squirrel let out a nervous giggle and began to take a few tentative steps backward. “I’ll just get some band-aids, okay sweetie?”

Lammy stared at him, wide-eyed and in shock for a few seconds, but when some blood dripped down onto her face she screamed and stumbled back in terror. Unfortunately, she tripped on the coffee table and went crashing back into the TV screen. The glass shattered, an array of sparks flew out, and the living room lit up as Lammy began to be electrocuted. 

Nutty yelled and darted to her side. He tried to grab her, but the pain from the shocks and Lammy’s convulsions made it difficult to get a good grip. So he turned around and yanked out the TV’s plug from its socket. 

The sparks ceased and Lammy finally stilled, but a trail of smoke slowly drifted up from her body. Her fur and clothes were singed black, and shards of glass jutted out from her face and neck. It didn’t look good, but...

Nutty gently nudged her with his foot, but there was no response. Lammy was definitely dead.

“ _Shit_.”

* * *

It was the day after their disaster of a date, and Nutty was standing awkwardly on the doorstep of Lammy’s house, a bundle of balloons in one hand and a giant card that read _I’m Sorry_ in the other. 

Lammy had already revived, without a scratch to be seen or a single strand of wool out of place. 

However, that didn’t seem to do much to help her mood. 

To say Lammy was upset would be an understatement. 

He’d come to apologize, but for the past several minutes she’d been going off on a tirade, not letting him get a word in edgewise. Also, the look in her eyes was akin to the nasty glares Nutty imagined Mr. Pickles would send his way if it could. 

Speaking of, Mr. Pickles was in one of her hands, and yes, it indeed looked mad at him

Nutty wasn’t too upset though, he knew he deserved it. Besides, the way her nose was scrunched up whenever she pouted and how her accent had gotten a lot stronger was really damn cute. 

“And why didn’t you listen to me?” Lammy shouted. “I was telling you to stop, but you still pulled my hair off anyway!”

Nutty opened his mouth to explain himself, but the sheep continued on. 

“We could’ve gotten a cup of soapy water,” she whined. “Just dump it on so it’d be less sticky! Or scissors!”

Nutty shuffled his feet awkwardly. “Okay, so I didn’t think that first one would really work out because these,” he gestured at the candy on his face, “don’t even come off in the shower. And for the second one… I just didn’t wanna ruin your beautiful hair, babe!”

Lammy snorted. “Oh yes, and look how that turned out!”

After several more angry words, most of which Nutty couldn’t understand because they were in another language, Lammy had started to calm down. 

“I really am sorry, sweetie,” Nutty said. 

She glowered at him. 

He fell to his knees and pushed the card and balloons up to her. “I’m SUPER sorry, see?”

Her scowl only deepened. 

Nutty wracked his brain for something, _anything_ to make her happy. Maybe a new TV? Just because _Lammy_ was fine now didn’t mean her stuff was. “Okay… how ‘bout I buy you another TV? Just give me some time to get the cash, and I-”

“I don’t care about the TV,” Lammy cut him off. 

“Then what can I do to make it up to? Please, I’ll do anything,” he begged.

Lammy tilted her head and closed her eyes as if she was deep in thought, then after a few moments, she looked at him. 

“Okay then,” she said. “I want you to quit candy.”

“Huh?” Nutty let go of the card and balloons. 

“I want you to quit candy,” Lammy repeated as the squirrel rose to his feet. 

“B-but why?”

“It’s because of your candy that I died yesterday,” she explained. “And your sugar addiction causes so much destruction! I can’t count the number of times you’ve gotten yourself or someone else killed because of it!”

“Honey, don’t you think that’s a little too much? You said that you liked my candy addiction! You thought it was cute and quirky,” the squirrel cried. 

“When we first started dating, I did,” Lammy snapped. “But not anymore! THAT,” she pointed at her head, “was the last straw!” 

“But that was just an accident-”

“No, Nutty! Don’t you dare act like this is the only time!”

He tilted his head in confusion, and Lammy gritted her teeth. 

“Every time we kiss I feel like I’m about to get a cavity! Whenever you come over I have to spend _hours_ getting all the candy crumbs out of the carpet! I almost spent two hundred dollars just getting the soda and syrup out of my sofa! There’s a REASON I put covers on the couch, Nutty! Oh, I just… I just can’t take it anymore!” She tugged on her wool in frustration

He winced. “I’m sorry sweetie, I had no idea.”

Lammy sighed. “It’s frustrating, okay? So please, _please_ stop.”

“Eh, do I _have_ to stop though? I could just not eat candy at your place anymore and…”

He trailed off when he saw the look Lammy gave him.

“I’m serious about us, but I don’t think you feel the same way.”

“Of course I do!” Nutty cried, horrified. “I’ve never been this serious about anyone in my whole life!”

The sheep sniffed. “Well, it sure doesn’t feel like it!” 

“But it’s true, I swear!” 

Should Nutty have proposed to her? He definitely should’ve proposed to her earlier! 

Oh, curse you Sniffles and your reasonable sounding ‘ _moving that fast would scare the shit out of her_ ’ arguments! Curse you! 

Lammy stamped her foot down. “I’m having a really tough time believing that! So which is it? Me or the candy?”

Nutty opened his mouth, but no words came out.

The two stood like that in awkward silence for several moments, and the anger melted from Lammy’s face only for a hurt expression to take its place.

“I see,” she murmured. 

Nutty panicked, realizing his mistake. “Babe, I’m sorry!”

Lammy held up her hand, causing him to stop. “No, Nutty, I get it.”

Her despondent tone felt like a kick to Nutty’s gut. 

“I think we shouldn’t see each other for a while.”

“Lammy, please-“

But the sheep went back inside and closed the door, splitting Nutty’s heart in two.

* * *

Nutty was in his room, curled up in a ball and crying his eyes out. 

What was he going to do? He couldn’t lose Lammy! He loved her so much that it hurt! Besides, he’d already started drafting up names for their four future children…

But he couldn’t lose candy either! Candy meant _everything_ to him! Candy was his life!

Nutty sniffled and rose from his bed. He looked around his room with red, swollen eyes. 

Candy wrappers and empty tubs of ice cream littered the place. After he came home he went on an eating spree, devouring all of the sugar in his household. And even though it didn’t entirely fix his crummy mood, it helped him feel a hell of a lot better than he did earlier. 

He sighed. There really couldn’t be a way for him to give up candy, huh? 

It always made him feel better. Giving up on it would be like giving up on happiness. 

Nutty was about to go and look for more candy when his eyes landed on a sweater in the corner of his room. 

It was orange with stripes of white running across it. Colorful pieces of candy had been patterned on the stripes, giving the sweater a very ‘cutesy’ look. Overall, it was a nice and cozy piece of clothing. 

Lammy had made it herself and gave it to him about a month after they started dating. Nutty hadn’t worn it recently because the weather was too warm, but he could still vividly remember when she gave it to him. 

The sheep had been so nervous to give it to him. She kept twiddling her thumbs and wouldn’t look him in the eye. But then he thanked her and slipped it on and she got the _sweetest_ little smile on her face. 

He remembered it being a little itchy, but the way Lammy’s face lit up made it to where he couldn’t care less. 

Just the memory of it made him smile like a dork. 

That’s when Nutty made up his mind. 

* * *

Three days later, Nutty sat under Lammy’s window, holding a stereo that blasted some cheesy old love song. 

He originally considered throwing rocks at her window to get her attention, but he was scared of breaking them. A broken television was bad enough, he didn’t want to add new windows to his girlfriend’s list of Nutty related expenses. 

The song looped at least twice before Lammy finally came out, clearly irritated. “Nutty, I _told_ you - huh?” She stopped, awestruck. “What happened to you?” 

Where candy once stuck to the squirrel’s body, band-aids now clung there instead. It hadn’t been his first choice for a fashion replacement, but when he peeled off the candy he ended up hurting himself pretty bad (not nearly as bad as he hurt Lammy though), so band-aids it was!

“You said it was you or the candy, so I chose you.”

Lammy stared at him for a few moments, slack-jawed, before her face broke into a wide smile. “Oh, Nutty!”

She ran into his arms and he gently spun her around, the two giggling all the while.

Not much later they were walking through the park, hand in hand. 

Nutty would’ve been on cloud nine if it weren’t for one small problem; he felt _terrible_.

He only cut off candy completely yesterday (the two days before he’d been reducing his intake), and already he was sure he was going through withdrawals. 

Everything hurt. It was all too loud and bright but slow and dreary and his head was pounding so bad he thought it’d split open any minute. 

He was also on edge. He hadn’t been this jittery in ages, not since Sniffles had him locked up in a padded room in an attempt to snuff out his sugar addiction. 

God, Nutty felt like shit but that happy little tune Lammy was humming and the way she clasped his hand made it worth it. At least, that’s what he kept telling himself. 

“Lammy?”

“Hm?” She turned to him with the sweetest smile. Okay, yeah, definitely worth it.

“I love you.”

The sheep’s cheeks flushed red, and she looked so pretty that Nutty wanted to kiss her right then and there, so he did.

To his delight, she kissed him back.

However, she quickly pulled away and playfully hit him on the arm. “Nutty, we’re in public,” she scolded. Despite her words, she was very obviously fighting back a smile.

“Okay, okay,” he relented. 

The path they were walking began to go uphill, and as they neared the top the squirrel’s heart sunk. At the top of the hill was a cotton candy stand that was being run by the Mole. 

Nutty wanted to cry. The sweet siren song of sugar was right before him, but he had to stay strong, for Lammy’s sake!

His grip on her hand tightened, and he hoped it wasn’t too obvious. But instead of getting upset, Lammy brought her other hand to rest on top of his. Nutty still wanted to cry, but for a different reason now. She really was too sweet!

However, as they passed the cotton candy stand Lammy suddenly gasped and pulled her hands away. Nutty turned to her, hurt, but her panicked expression stopped him from saying anything.

“I lost Mr. Pickles!”

“Huh?”

The sheep frantically looked down at their feet, trying to see if she dropped him anywhere nearby. “I let go of him, I didn’t realize until just now, but this is very, very bad!”

Nutty rested a hand on her shoulder. “Just calm down, I’m sure we’ll find it if we-”

“Nutty, we have to find him, please!” Lammy begged. “He’ll hurt someone if we don’t!”

He blinked. Right. He’d kind of forgotten that she was convinced the pickle killed people. 

“Okay, you can go back down the hill and I’ll look up here. How’s that sound?”

Lammy nodded and dashed off. 

Nutty glanced around, but all he saw was Mole and the cotton candy. After a quick search around the path, he was about to go downhill to rejoin Lammy when a strange noise caught his attention.

He looked back to see that Mole had fallen face-first into his cotton candy maker and had become a bloody, gurgling mess. Wisps of blood-red were being thrown out of the machine as the poor creature’s face was eroded further and further away. 

Nutty yelled in terror, but then he spotted a familiar shade of green. 

It was Mr. Pickles, sitting right beneath the display of cotton candy that hung from the stand’s awning. 

“There you are,” he said cheerfully, forgetting about Mole’s gruesome end. “Boy, will Lammy be happy to see you!”

But when Nutty started to run towards the cotton candy stand, it went careening down the hill. He shouted in surprise and ran after it, almost tripping over Mole’s corpse in the process. 

_Must’ve been Mole’s weight_ , he thought. He knocked it loose _when he fell on top of it!_

The stand finally came to a stop after it crashed into a tree at the bottom of the hill, spilling its contents everywhere. Nutty skidded to a halt next to it, out of breath, and was about to go digging through the wreckage until he got a whiff of the sweet smell of cotton candy. 

The squirrel recoiled. He was sure Mr. Pickles was somewhere in there, but there was no way he could look for it. 

He was gonna cave. He needed to find Lammy, and fast! 

Nutty was about to turn away when he suddenly felt a horrible, searing sensation in one of his ankles. He screeched in pain. Something had stabbed him! Then the sharp pain happened again, but this time in his other ankle. 

He looked down, but all he saw was a familiar pickle and a bloody shard of wood. He attempted to bend down and grab Mr. Pickles, but in doing so he lost his balance.

And that was when he fell face-first into the cotton candy. 

The sweet, sugary scent of it hit his nostrils like a truck, and the sticky, soft strands tickled his face, and... Oh, he couldn’t take it anymore! _Just one bite_ , he thought. So the squirrel took one bite and...

Nutty’s mind went blank.

_Sugar sugar sugar yummy sugarsugaryumgoodsugar_

“NUTTY!”

“Huh?” He looked up. Lammy was standing a few feet away, hands on her hips and a nasty scowl on her face. Oh, if looks could kill. 

“Hey babe, Mr. Pickles is right…” Nutty trailed off as he realized the said pickle was nowhere to be found. Huh.

“Why… just why?” She demanded, gesturing towards the sweet, colorful clouds surrounding Nutty.

“Sorry! Did you want some too?” He offered up a handful of cotton candy.

Her scowl only deepened. 

Oh well. 

Nutty shoved the wad of sugar into his mouth. 

He’d just apologize to her tomorrow.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry Lammy, smores before whores. Also, Mr. Pickles totally set up Nutty at the end there, the poor guy didn’t stand a chance.


End file.
